From the Archives: SilentPerson™

How does it work?

The unique and patented PersonSilencer™ works using advanced Navy-level adhesive (GreyDuctTape™) technology. It uses patented StickyPain™ technology, guaranteed to keep the person silent.

The patented SilentSpeaker™ is made using Expo®’s Patented DryErase™ technology. The RewriteAgain™ technology allows virtually limitness messages to be written without a peep!

How much?

If bought separately, the SilentPerson™ system could add up to hundreds of cents! But now, for not 500¢, not 400¢, not even 300¢, but only 29.95! Call 1-800-SILENCE now! That’s 1-800-U-LOSER now!

_{Silence!, inc. has no responsibility for the applicant of the SilentPerson™ system. The applier resumes full responsibility of the applicant unless the applicant is notorious for talking. Then nobody is responsible.}

_{Sorry Silence!,inc. and whoever owns the PersonSilencer™, SilentPerson™, DryErase™, RewriteAgain™, StickyPain™, GreyDuctTape™, and Expo® trademarks. I’ll take it down if you want, just please don’t sue me.}