June 2010
3 posts
7 tags
The Grieving Process: Phone Out of Range Edition
Denial: “No, I’m just in a small dead spot. Maybe I’m holding the phone wrong. This can’t be out of range. It’s an iPhone 4 and the antenna is the metal trimming!!!”
Anger: “YOU FAILED ME AT&T!! HOW COULD I HAVE TRUSTED YOU!!! WHY IS YOUR SERVICE SO HORRIFYING!!?”
Bargaining: “Oh, almighty AT&T people looking down upon me,...
“Let’s get together and figure out a way for you to work more hours for less...”
– (via clientsfromhell)
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Tip of the Month: Get people NOT to email you
Lots of people get too much email. Some people get only 15 useless emails a day (I remember back then…why did I subscribe to airport security e-alerts?). Sometimes, people email cute cat pictures to each other. What the heck? We KNOW cats are cute. Why can’t we just get the really important stuff and waste our time elsewhere, like on Facebook? Well, you can. With Gmail, there’s a...
April 2010
3 posts
4 tags
Tip of the Month: Pretend You Have an iPad
No, I don’t have an iPad. But it’s so dead simple to pretend you have one. Watch and learn:
Hey, can I have the pictures you promised? Thanks. Sent from my iPad
Your friend’s reply:
OMGOMG YOU HAVE AN IPAD???? OMG HERE ARE THE PIX AND MY CREDIT CARD # AND MY PASSWORD LIST JUST F[censored] LET ME SEE YOUR IPAD!!!!
Amazing spambots haven’t taken advantage of...
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From the Archives: IE Fanboyism
6-Year-Old Me: What browser is that?
Random Library Cafe Stranger: Oh, it's Firefox.
6-Year-Old Me: I use...I use Internet Expl-or-er 6!!
Random Library Cafe Stranger: (smirks)
Note: Just trying to keep this blog a bit more active...our email being down for so long has brought down the morale here at 1+1=3 Productions.
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Tip of the Month: Use Autosummary to Sound Even...
If you’ve ever tried AutoSummary, it’s a real treat. It’s not perfect, but it’s great when you have a bazillion pages to read by next Tuesday and you need to make a nice rounded out summary of everything you ever learned from that single pile of bazillion pages.
Instead of actually reading (reading long papers are for dorks) the paper, you can use AutoSummary and then...
March 2010
13 posts
2 tags
The Stupid Blue Dolphin of Wisdom Says:
He who does not walk on the road to money, is not in Vegas.
1 tag
Email is Down
I don’t know why. Our email is down, so if you need to contact us, please use @113productions on twitter.
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From the Archives: SilentPerson™
How does it work?
The unique and patented PersonSilencer™ works using advanced Navy-level adhesive (GreyDuctTape™) technology. It uses patented StickyPain™ technology, guaranteed to keep the person silent.
The patented SilentSpeaker™ is made using Expo®’s Patented DryErase™ technology. The RewriteAgain™ technology allows virtually limitness messages to be written without a peep!
How...
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From the Archives: 5 Word Sentences
This sentence is five words. This is five words too. Five word sentences are fine. But too many are monotonous. Listen carefully to the sound. It is getting very boring. The sound of it drones. The ear demands more variety. Now listen. I vary my sentences creating music. Music. I use short sentences. And I use medium length sentences. And sometimes, when I feel the reader is relaxed, I make...
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“Life is like a piece of paper. There are always two sides to it. So always look...”
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Word of the Day Will Have Read More Links
From now on (I’m too lazy to do all the other ones) the Word of the Day blog’s main page will only show the definitions and not the details, which is useful for scrolling through.
Do you like it or hate it?
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“Your body is a lot like grass. Both turn green when given poop.”
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1+1=3 Productions on Google Buzz →
In case if anybody wants to be stupid caring enough to stalk follow us on Buzz.
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“Life is like a vacation. Once it’s over, you just gotta live with it.”
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“Never judge a book by its cover—unless that cover has half a dozen review...”
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Tip of the Month: DIY Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
I found that I can beg for sushi from this guy more effectively by creating a self-fulfilling prophecy instead of asking.
Instead of:
Please can you give me some sushi? Please?!!!
Try:
I won’t ask you for sushi because I know you’ll give one to me anyway. I do, after all, write the Word of the Day…
They feel more obliged to fulfill the prophecy.
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Speed Dial
Me: Stand back! I got 911 on speed dial!!!
Him: How does that work exactly?
Me: Oh, I just it 9-1-1 and it calls 911.
Him: ...
Me: Here, I'll demonstrate.
February 2010
24 posts
5 tags
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“Your ability to accomplish tasks will be followed by success.”
– Read the Blog, Fortune Cookie
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“Mo-om! Can’t you see I’m doing important stuff?! Facebook is the number one way...”
– Word of the Day: HOMEWORK
(2/8/10)
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“When there’s even only the slightest sliver of light, it’s not dark...”
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“Life is like the lunch line. Just because it’s longer doesn’t mean...”
– (Ironically enough, the lunch was actually good today.)
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Vocabulary Sentences
For this weeks word study, I had enamor, amicable, and amiable (the root was amo/ami, meaning love).
Almost every movie rated G is either boring and/or involves some person being enamored; this is why I think love stories are overrated.
Almost all PG movies involve two amicable people getting into a socially awkward situation, then going into some form of enamored staring, then kissing.
PG-13...
1st Podcast!
By Mike
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Toolbar
For no reason whatsoever, there is now a 1+1=3 Productions toolbar!
Don’t Download
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Diplomacy
Me: So, what do you do for a living?
Them: I am a analyst in Micromacrohard Enterprises, inc. specializing in online usage monitoring and ecommerce.
Me: So, uh, what do you do?
Them: I specialize in online usage monitoring and ecommerce.
Me: So you make a living off of being special.
Them: I don't have an answer for that, however, I can tell you that this industry is a higly untapped and profitable industry that anybody can easily accomodate.
Me: ...
Them: I was formerly employed as an attorney at law until the circumstances where not optimal for the industry.
Me: So that explains why you are such a [insert offensive word here].
Them: I will agree, however my firm has a recommendation to use this style of English articulation for the purposes of efficiency.
Me: I will never understand why the end call button on Skype isn't green. (hangs up)
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“Has it ever occurred to you that love spelled backwards is evol?”
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“Life is like jail. If you get 6 days off, you are either hallucinating or...”
Code
This course will demystify the code behind some of the most commercially successful applications on the planet.
OMG COPYRIGHT INFRINGER!!!!
[Via]
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140 Characters
And I realize:
Chinese people are very lucky with twitter. For them, a character is a word, so they can fit 140 words into Twitter.
But it doesn’t change my opinion on how badly Chinese sucks (did I tell you about the time I got a 23 on my final?).
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How to Eat a Cake
Make sure nobody is looking. This includes parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, goldfish, cousins, and cats (dogs are too faithful).
Get your tools out.
Quietly and carefully remove the cover.
Take out just enough so that nobody will notice.
Quickly evacuate the crime scene.
Eat the cake.
Go back to the crime scene to conceal the evidence.
Call the police to pretend that you didn’t...
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Things I Don't Understand: Prayers
I will never understand why in all the prayer books/prayers I’ve ever heard, about God, ancestors, Allah, etc. nobody says please. Isn’t it rude not to say please?
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School means leisure in Greek →
LOL.
Looking through the source, it’s absolutely true.
How ironic.
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“You have an unusual ability to put your best effort forth at all times.”
– Fortune cookie
My reply: Hey, you’re talking to a guy that lost 10 points in math for not showing work. If that’s effort, it’s effort to do something more worthwhile.
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Hey all!
Hey all 1+1=3 fans! I’m Michael, or Mike for short. I am a CTO here at 1+1=3 Productions. I work for Casey, and I love my job. I hope to keep it during this recession, and hope to see many new users on our site!
Enjoy,
Mike
Note: Mike works for free.
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New Emails
After a long, grueling process between Michael and me, we finally got the email system up and running. Emails now set up (click the link to reveal):
Support (yes, we are some of the finest morons stupid enough to take your computer support requests for free)
Feedback (for sending us all of your lovely praise)
Contact Us (for emailing us for any other purpose)
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“Life is like a pair of scissors. Some of them are good, and some of them are...”
Tip of the Month:Answer, but don't answer
Do you like the soup?
Instead of answering like this:
Yeah
Answer like this:
Well, I didn’t throw it up, but I didn’t think it was the best meal of my life—I think the best meal in my life was at that awards ceremony—but I didn’t throw it up like I did at that Nan’s place, so yeah, you can say I liked it enough.
Delays the crowd, nobody will care after the 3rd...
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Fortune Cookies
You will soon receive an offer you cannot refuse.
+
You will overcome many obstacles.
=
Some a movie I have to refuse to watch until I turn 17.
(FYI, those are actual fortune cookie fortunes I picked up at dinner tonight with my mom.)
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From the Archives: Intentions
This page intentionally has no useful and/or interesting content. Please go onto the next page.
I used this for my notebooks. This page, however, has lots of useful content, like how to cheat somebody out of their air.
January 2010
34 posts
“Life is like a job. Some people just don’t have one, and you’re...”
4 tags
“Who needs batteries?”
– Popular Science
It’s a wallet, you moron.
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What *Not* to Do at a Bar Mitzvah
I just came back from a Bar Mitzvah, and this is what I learned you shouldn’t do:
Wear a sweater
Wear sweat pants
Hum
Drop your yarmulke (you have to kiss it)
Fart
Blow your nose
Not laugh
Snort while somebody’s talking
Lean
Sit awkwardly
Wonder why there were only 2 scrolls when the Torah has 5
Ponder the meaning of life
Complain that monotheism contradicts itself
...
“Ever enter a 25-character key when you installed Office? That’s us.”
– [Here]
FYI, people aren’t exactly happy about typing meticulously 25-character keys, and then getting treated like criminals/morons.
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Lemons
When life gives you lemons, then you are probably delusional nobody has been able to make a half-decent representation of life yet (God is close, but he’s supposed to be “invisible” and we can see life).
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